53.your horoscope 4 today
WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
your horoscope 4 today
AQUARIUS!
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the
back of a speeding bus! Fill that void in your pathetic life by
playing Whack-A-Mole 17 hours a day.
PISCES!
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leo's- with the ebola virus! You are
the true lord of the dance- no matter what those idiots at work
say.
ARIES!
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that
40-pound watermelon in your colon! Trade toothbrushes with an
albino dwarf then give a hickey to Meryl Streepe!
TAURUS!
You will never find true happiness. Whatcha gonna do cry about
it？!？ The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of
stuff, and then go back to sleep!
That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! Thats your
horoscope for today! (x2)
GEMINI!
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive
flagilance! Your love life will run into trouble when your
fiance hurls a javelin through your chest!
CANCER!
The position of jupiter says you should spend the rest of the
week facedown in the mud! Try not to shove a roll of duct tape
up your nose while taking your driver's test.
LEO!
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to
your boss's face, oh no! Eat a bucket of tuna flavored pudding
and wash it down with a gllon of Strawberry Quik!
VIRGO!
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent- except for
you! Expect a big surprise today- when you wind up with your
head impaled upon a stick!
That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! That's your
horoscope for today! (x2)
Now you may find that inconceivable or at the very least a bit
unlikely that the relative positions of the planets and the
stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that
exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my
assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on
solid,scientific, documented evidence so you would have be some
kind of moron not to realize that all of them are absolutely
true- where was I？
LIBRA!
A big promotion is just around the corner- for someone much more
talented than you! Laughter is the very best medicine- remember
that when your appendix burst next week!
SCORPIO!
Get ready for an unexpected trip- when you fall screaming from
an open window! Work a little bit harder on improving your low
self-esteem, you stupid freak.
SAGITTARIUS!
All your friends are laughing behind your back! Kill them. Take
down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got
hanging in your den!
CAPRICORN!
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but,
you know they're lying! If I were you I'd lock my doors and
windows and never never never never never leave my house again!
That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!
That's your horscope for today! (x4)
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